Peter Aursnes' Transition Blog

I wish you all the best for the New Year!

This is the time for new-year-resolutions! I don’t believe in them, but I think this is a very common action towards the end of any year.

From a transition point of view, this year ending is not something we can avoid. It comes whether we want it/like it or not. Perhaps we should just accept it, and especially this year when we have a few days off before 2010 kicks off work-wise, take a few days in the neutral zone to prepare for the new opportunities that 2010 will bring.

The gift I offered you for Christmas is just as appropriate now. so if you have not downloaded it yet, grasp the opportunity and do it now. You don’t need to make it a resolution to take action, just get inspired to change your life or enter into a transition, if you want to grow.

I also have an other offer. The Program Discover Your Life’s Purpose. If you are anywhere close to a new-year-resolution this is what you should do. A powerful step by step program to define your Purpose, Vision and Goals! Just $79.50 to find your true North!
If you want to read more, click here:

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In a way very sad, as most endings are, but there is a time and a place for everything, and now the Restaurant Bagatelle era is over. Yesterday to be exact. Ranked one of the world’s 35 best restaurants. This is Oslo. Since 1982 under the present chef. Two stars the the Red Guide (Guide Rouge). Norway’s most renowned chef closed his restaurant on top. The restaurant is history, the Chef will still make history. Believe me.

So now what? As chef Hellstrøm said: “This ending is the start of a new beginning.” Ha! A transition! Would you believe. “But first I need some time to figure out what the new beginning will be.” So yesterday he locked the door to the restaurant, pulled down the door sign – at least the part with his name on. Today in the neutral zone, or perhaps some time first to leave it all behind. That is natural. Then the new beginning. Whatever that will be; it will be good. Rest assured.

I don’t normally write about restaurants – this was an excellent one though, and (Restaurant) Bagatelle has given me some extremely good memories – but I was so fascinated by his: this ending is the start of a new beginning. Isn’t it always? The problem is we have such difficulties realizing it. And letting go.

But now, Christmas and the neutral zone.

We’re all awaiting eagerly for the new beginning.

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We all go through transitions, not necessarily all the time as such, even though that is discussable. I mean life is a process so we move forward or backwards all the time. As nothing around is at a standstill there is no such ting as a pause or stop. As I have pointed put numerous times in this blog a transition has three parts and always starts with an ending. I you want to start something new, you have to end something old. There is no way around it. Can I not be multitasking? We’re not at that level, this is you and your state of affairs. That is (a) one thing. You are.

So even though most of us resist them, we go through them, but at a slower pace because of this resistance. This is because we do not want development, or to look at it from an other perspective, we all want development but not the consequences of it, which simply means we have to leave something behind.

I currently work with a group of people that has been a long time out of work. They resist the transition they have to go through. Not that they do not want a job. They all do. So what is the the problem? They do not want to work. That’s the challenge. Of course they all want a job. There comes status with a job (there is more status with being employed than being unemployed irrespective of the hierarchical level). But having a job and working are two different things. The latter actually requires you do something, you leave a passive state, i.e. you have to leave a state of affaires behind, let go. That is the real threshold they have to pass, and which can be high as the highest unconquerable mountain.

How to make them realize this is the way to go, how to regain their pride in having a job? How to trust the new? How to make them them realize the journey is worth taking. which reminds me of this quote from “As A Man Thinketh” by james Allen: Tempest-tossed souls, where ever ye may live, know this – in the ocean of life the isles of Blessedness are smiling, and the sunny shores of your ideal awaits your coming”. If someone really fits the tempest-tossed description it is these people.

It boils down to trust – mainly in yourself. Self confidence. And for every day out of work you lose a little bit of it.I try to make them understand they are just as valuable as anyone. Just as important as anyone. Unlimited potential.
Capable of anything. – If they are willing. Will and the consequence of will are challenges. Circumstance. Stuck in circumstance.

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This poem about life is a real beauty, it’s titled “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk“ and is written by Portia Nelson. I think each and everyone might find it familiar.
Portia Nelson, a cabaret singer, songwriter, actress and author was one of the most beloved New York nightclub performers of the 1950’s. She also published a book, ”There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery,” from which the poem below is picked.
This is a lesson of human behavior and change.
Enjoy and contemplate.

Chapter 1.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…
I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I cant believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… its a habit.
But, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5.

I walk down another street.

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As it is, I am currently coaching men in their 20s from unemployment or never had a job at all into a job.
It is a program funded by the Norwegian government. This program for these people runs over 22 weeks. It i challenging because even though being a coach, most people you coach want to be coached. These people does not necessarily want to be coached. Some of them don’t even want to be there. Better home gently in their bed, shutting the harsh reality of the world out. If so they will lose their benefits, though.

These fine people with a lot of potential, if you only get deep enough to uncover it, are in a huge transition. Their biggest challenge is to let go of the past. That is scary, don’t know how to do it, what awaits. Playing the blame game all the time. Anger. It is usually hard to realize you are the master of your own future, destiny, fortune (choose whatever you like).

Asking what are you good at? I am not good at anything. Do you have any interests? No. What do you like? Don’t like anything.

Some are like obsessive kids. How to make them receptive of some positive input?

How to make them realize the way they behave is mostly detrimental to themselves, and then those close to them, if any (left). How to get the message about cause and effect across. “The world is against me!” they say. No it is not true. “It is you that are against the world.” “The world” only returns your vibrations. When I crack that code of understanding I have come far with this group!!

As a coach this process gives me deep insight. Great joy every time we get one of them into a job. Most of them as apprentices as that is paid for by the government. Job training.

I also realize that some of what I have learned, used, do not necessarily work all to well in all situations. So I am broadening my tool kit.

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I am publishing this post by Anne Naylor because it touched me when I read it. It is published with kind permission from the author, who also would love to receive your comments.

As we end the year, and Thanksgiving approaches this is a good time for taking stock. Who has made a difference in your life? Have you been able to make a difference in someone else’s life? And who are you to be making a difference in anyone’s life?

Thanksgiving is such a great holiday. As a European, I wish it were internationally celebrated. Even in difficult times we still have much we can be thankful for, especially those we love and care for, and those who make our lives better in some way.

Looking over 2009, who are the people who have made a difference to you, and how have they done that?

I started making a list, and it is still growing. On my list are friends who helped me out when I was feeling stuck. People who have made me laugh when I was taking life too seriously. One person who gave me an opportunity, out of the blue, which has made a huge difference in my quality of life. Dental surgeons who have treated me with great care. Members of my local church who have made me feel welcome. The couple who have generously created and taken care of my website. My Australian neighbour, with whom I often share a cup of tea at the end of a working afternoon.

What is special about these people? Yes, they have given their talents, their insights, time, thoughtfulness. What makes the connection for me in my memory is the caring and warmth that came from them. This quality is harder to define in words.

Who are we? We are not islands “entire unto ourselves”. We do thrive from being remembered and genuinely appreciated. It is through our acts of caring that we discover the love we share. We connect.

Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon.
Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted,
and human love will be seen at its height.
Live in fragments no longer. Only connect….
E M Forster

When you are introduced to someone new, you may ask about their role – what they do. For example: teacher, consultant, doctor, journalist, corporate executive or “retired”. Then there is a family role – parent, child, brother/sister etc that defines you. But who you are goes beyond what you do in the worldly sense.

We are human BEings, not human DOings. Even those who are very accomplished in their lives tend to be remembered for their human qualities, how they related with people, how they loved, and were loved by, others.

I have no doubt that my Friends on Facebook and my Followers on Twitter are really lovely people. But do I “connect” with them such that they make a lasting and meaningful impression? Not really, up until now.

When I hug dear Trixie, 91 and now 11 months old, I remember that. Older people are not hugged as much as they might like. The warmth of her smile makes that simple act very rewarding.

Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.
Kahlil Gibran

So who are we? This is something of a mystery to me. There are qualities I recognize such as beauty, courage, humour, joy, enthusiasm, vibrancy, vitality, warmth, audacity. Human spirit, divine essence, soul, infinite energy come close to defining the inner Being for me.

It is in these times, when we have most need of comfort and encouragement from each other, that we may come to know better our profound selves through our acts of caring, kindness and compassion. Through these memorable acts, we may connect more deeply, and awaken more fully, to the love that we each are, and that we share. This awakening of love will I believe be instrumental in transforming many of the disorders we witness and experience around us. I believe that we are all more powerful than we ever dare to consider.

When the power of love overcome the love of power,
the world will know peace.
Jimi Hendrix

Who we each are makes a difference It just takes having the eyes to see. How many of us walk around, not knowing that we make a difference to others, or how? How many of those who have contributed to your life know the difference they have made to you? This might be a good moment to enlighten them. A Thanksgiving moment. Let us now awaken more of the love that we are.

The least movement is of importance to all nature.
The entire ocean is affected by a pebble.
Blaise Pascal

Who is the person who has made the most difference to you this year? What does “connecting” mean to you? What are your favourite ways to connect with others?

Anne Naylor has been a Consultant in personal motivation since 1982. Author
of three personal development books, Superlife, Superlove and SuperYou,
Anne gives Clear Results Consultations for individuals meeting life turning
points, or wishing to improve the quality of their lives.
Anne’s mission is: Building a better world on the solid foundation of
individual health, wealth and happiness and the appreciation of human value.
Anne has enabled a wide range of people to transform their personal
and professional lives. Contact her at: clearresults@mac.com You can also visit her site at http://www.annenaylor.com/

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Landed in Norway 3 weeks ago and had nothing. Well, apart from a Norwegian citizenship, family, friends and the like. But, no home, no job and to some extent no money. But, very strong on the intellectual, spiritual, relationship and health plane.

In the midst of a financial crisis, lay offs, increasing unemployment rates, I have landed a job. I am pretty proud of that. And the best of it all, it not a panic job, it is all about helping people navigate through to some extent extensive transitions. Some of them as a result of changes in their lives, based on very unfavorable circumstances formed over the years through conditioning. It happens to all of us, but not everybody get trapped, an not everybody get seriously trapped. To the extent you have difficulties to cope with life and society.

So this is what I am going to do and I really look forward to having the privilege to help people get back on track. To help them look for a dream deep inside, and encourage them to bring it up to the surface. Not necessarily share it, but at least dwell with it for themselves. And take some action.

What did I do to travel so smoothly through my transition from USA back to Norway? From living a life there to having hardly anything here. “I followed the book.” I ended what had been. I went through the neutral phase, and was ready for a new beginning. If you manage that things fall in place when you least expect it. Not necessarily what you expected either, probably better. I was so confident when I left the US. I remember on the plane from Miami to Frankfurt I was so calm, so confident in spite of the fact that what awaited me (us) when we landed was far from security, far from anything laid out for us. I strongly believe such processes bring us forward. If you are not willing to partake you will stay put. Stuck in a rut.

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Yes there are quite a few people that have not wanted to make the transition and rather think things were much better before. The “beauty” with these communist countries was (or even is) that everybody have a job. Unemployment is not an issue. The former DDR has been in for a tough time these last 20 years and many people have experienced the most unusual thing: unemployment.

I experienced much of the same thing in 1997 in the Republic of Georgia (ex Soviet). Freedom has its price and quite a few, which of course is an understatement, were longing for former times under the Soviet rule because times were stable, jobs plentiful, social security in place. Rather harmonious actually, as strange as it may sound. There were even some people glorifying Stalin (after all he was Georgian even though he tried the best he could to deny that; he wanted to be Russian).

A lot of people want to be ruled, don’t want the freedom to make their own decisions; be the masters of their own destiny. It is typical conformity, we go with the masses because that gives some sort of protection. We do that, animals do that, even fish do that.

As with Moses and the Israelites, as with DDR and the Germans, so was it with the Georgians. To get Georgia out of the Soviet Union was the easy part. All the harder to get the Soviet Union out of the Georgians. Which I think to some extent they have not managed yet. This in spite of the rather hostile attitude any Georgian will have towards (today) Russia. Shows a Winnie the Pooh mentality. Or not being able to let go.

It is not easy to realize or the citizens there and then that in these situations the time between the ending and the new beginning will be rather lengthy. It will be a time of uncertainty, unrest, even chaos to some extent. Most people cannot take that, and are having a hard time stepping into this necessary uncertainty. Necessary if the country wants to move on.

So what about walls after the tearing down of the wall. Seems lie there are popping up walls all over the pace. Not necessarily physical ones like in the Middle East. Europe is e.g. fencing in to protect against migration from development countries. But these people are valuable for the development just because they are willing to get into transitions, something most of the developed world is by no means is all that willing to do. They leave behind their country, family, friends but also probably no sight of any prosperous future. The latter is the real reason why they are willing to leave it all behind, go through uncertainty, struggles, frustration and whatever to get a new start. They are seeking out transitions. We need this. This is also what has brought the US where it is today. The beauty of these examples is that they show what it takes to go through transitions. Not to scare you off because it will always be harder for a country than an organization than an individual. But this price pays off. Remember that; it pays off. No transitions,- no development.

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20 years ago today the Berlin Wall went down. Did that represent the start of an ending? Did that represent the start of a transition? It sure did. Have they been able to start a new beginning? Yes, most, but probably not all. Some people will never be able to end what has been. Look forward to a new beginning, appreciate the small chaos that will be in between. It is simply too scary. I know what I have, but I don’t know what I’ll get. That is what keeps most people where they are, unfortunately. Are you there? Well, if so, try something new: be courageous! it is not dangerous, perhaps somewhat uncomfortable. That is part of the problem; we’re so used to being comfortable all the time, anything deviating the slightest from that scares us.

In my book Unlock Your Future I write that the Terror Barrier is merely a border guard to new territory. The same can be said about transitions. The neutral zone, limbo phase, is merely the border guard to enter a new beginning, new territory. But you have to pass.

Most people in DDR wanted the wall to go down. Most people in the West wanted the wall to go down. Since it went so smoothly it was probably meant to be. That does not mean it did not turn out scary for a lot of people. Not everybody was used to the freedom this represented. Not everybody was used having to take care of themselves, not having the authorities thinking for them and taking care of most needs. Faced with that reality can really be scary. I know what I have. They were thrown into it because it happened anyway. November 9th 1989.

So to use an analogy from the Moses story abut getting the Israelites out of Egypt. The challenge was not so much getting the wall down and the people “out of DDR”, the challenge has more getting DDR out of the people. For some I suppose they are still working on it. 20 years later. For some people the neutral phase can be a long journey.

There is so much to celebrate these November days. November 9th the down fall of the Berlin Wall and ending of the cold war. November 10th is my birthday. November 11th marks the ending of World War 1. I enjoy the company.

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Sunday November 1st was All Saints Day and the whole family attended a “celebration” just outside Oslo. It was all so beautiful with lots of lights, music and various artist singing and playing. And there was a lot of people.

For those of you not familiar with All Saints; it is about honoring the dead. For me specifically that means my father who passed away 23 years ago, way too young. And for my kids that also means their grandfather, whom they have never met, but wish they had.

As soul comforting as it was, I could not help wondering why so many people turned up for this event on a nippy Sunday evening, November 1st.

That brings me to transitions. Society has become so hectic, hedonistic and materialistic there is no time for contemplation; pause for thought. We have lost this along the way.

We need rites. We are longing for rites. We used to have them. Primitive tribes have them, but there is no room for them in our hectic lives. Or is there?

Transitions is about letting go of the past and moving on. That doesn’t mean letting go of traditions. Unfortunately that’s exactly what has happened in many areas. I think that is the reason why for instance Norwegians flock to the churches on Christmas Eve. We are not any keen church goers the rest of the year.

It is probably the atmosphere and the collectiveness, being together. In todays strive for whatever, we need a few days every year, or occasions, where we can be together, and being together for the same purpose.

It is a huge help in moving on. Traditions, rites that are familiar help us move on. Rites represent the familiar when the circumstances are unfamiliar. That’s why we have rites, to help us through. All the worse when these rites are gone. We’re on our own. Consequently, we seek comfort in the familiar circumstances, and we’re stuck.

Without rites, transitions and development are for the few.

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