When working with young people that need to get back on track because they are drop outs we often say their will is aching. They cannot start on anything because they don’t know what they want to do, they cabbnot plan more than a couple of says ahead, so when I ask what they think they do in three or five years’ time, they just look at me with their empty sight and think I am from another planet. How stupid can you get asking such a question?

i try to tell them they have to set their sight on something and walk in that direction. The Cat in Alice in Wonderland says something like: “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there”. This has some depth that not all juveniles catch. Very funny. Did a cat say that?

Sarcasm aside.

I have come to some sort of conclusion that the will, this wonderful intellectual faculty that we have won’t work if we don’t have a goal. The goal is what activates our will. The will takes us through fire and water, in pursuit of our goal.

Have you ever been madly in love. Thought of what that does to you. You’ll do anything to the one you’re in love with, or to please him or her.

If you can mobilize the same feelings toward a goal, that will be the spark that ignites your will. You’ll become unstoppable.

These 20-year-olds don’t have goals. That’s the problem. That’s why they are at a stand-still. Whatever road they’re taking is unfortunately not the high road.

I am working hard to make them realize this.

You know something? Transitions can be rough. Or at least they can be perceived as rough. In hindsight at least. When you’re in the middle of it I appreciate that it is hard to think something like “These things are sent to try me and I shall probably emerge as a nobler soul from the experience.” That’s probably what will happen, but it’s hard to take in when you’re in the middle of it. It’s more like why does this happen to me? Why did I take on this encounter that turned out much harder than expected? And so on.

Price Pritchett in his booklet You² also talks about how it feels when you are abut to make a quantum leap, it actually feels quite rough. That’s when it is time to keep going and sometimes just close your eyes and “jump”.

The good things is that we actually learn something from this whether we like it or not, whether we realize it or not. And whether we want it or not. Of course we don’t have to use the acquired knowledge for anything, that’s an other thing. It would be wise to do, though.

So when you know what you had, things are rough around you and you have no idea about the possible outcome that lies ahead, then I realize it’s easy to give in. But don’t. You will emerge as a nobler soul from the experience. You will.

That’s why I ask you to embrace any transition, however rough you may feel it is. It will make you grow into something better and more fulfilling. That’s what life is all about isn’t it?

So it’s transition time again. This family is pretty familiar with that. It’s nothing serious, but still. So we bought a new house today. Unlike many other countries this is not a lengthy process at all. Perhaps you’re used to a house being put up for sale. Then you have to find it in an ad or something. Find a realtor to represent you. Make an arrangement with the owner to see the house. And so on. Can take a while to sell the house.

Not so in this market. House is put up for “show” for two days, one hour each day. If you want to have a look, you have to come then.
The day after the last showing of the house the bidding starts.

So the last showing was yesterday evening, we put in our first bid at 10 am. 12.15pm we had bought the house. There we at some time during the process 5 bidders, few in the end only two. The other folks gave in and the house is ours.

So we have to move in two and a half months’ time. We have moved before so we’re pretty used to it. Since 2007 when we sold our house, this will be out 7th move. It’s time to settle down for a while.

So this means we have a new house, new neighbors and so on. But we’re only moving 150 yards from where we live now. Isn’t that fantastic. We still have to move all our stuff. We’re still moving to something new. The kids will stay in the same schools, though. Much to their relief.

So now we’re house owners again, not merely leasing a house. Been there before so we’re not completely unfamiliar with the situation. It’s great to be back where we belong.

It’s still a transition.

It is said that God will never put on your shoulders more than you can bear. Every now and then I see and think that even though God does not do that, we do. We put so much stuff on our own shoulders that we cannot stand upright. And probably blame God.

We’re good at loading. We’re pretty bad at unloading. That seems in a way to be man’s fate. We’re probably hunters and collectors. We fill up our backpack with all sorts of “things” and continue long after it’s full. If we’re not unloading any stuff at any time this backpack will burst.

Oh, that’s a good thing you may say. No it’s not, because it is uncontrolled, and you don’t know what might happen. With you and those around you. Your work. Your health. For all practical purposes it is at any time best your backpack has more room for new experiences, excitements and so on. This means you have to unload. You have to let go of certain things all the way through your life. It’s the only way you can move forward. It’s the only way you can grow. Add new knowledge, new experiences, prosper. To move forward in life, you have to let go.

There is no golden rule of what you should let go of, or let go of first and so on. What is burdening you the most? Perhaps that’s a good place to start.

Unloading stuff; that’s a sort of transition. Moving on. Growing. That’s how life should be. Bring along only the experiences and knowledge that’s necessary to enjoy the moment and to thrive into the future.

I’ve just recently been to Israel on vacation. But this is a country and area that is so full of history and conflict that’s it is not possible to be just on vacation without taking in some of the tense energies that always surround you.

I have earlier written about the books of Moses, the Tora as the Jews would say, how it took Moses three days to get the Israelis out of Egypt but it took them 40 years to get Egypt out the Israelis.

We’re experiencing an Arab spring, and Thursday Ghadafi was captured and executed. In that respect it will be interesting to see how the liberators will treat Ghadafi’s supporters. Will they go after them or will it be a Mandela inspired process of reconciliation? I hope for the latter, but we must remember it takes agreement on both sides to go through with that. That’s the first milestone.

The interesting thing is how long will it take before wounds are healed; the dictatorship, the fear, uncertainty and so on. It has been said and it’s probably right, also in the respect of the Israelis 40 years in the desert, that it will take the Russians three generations to get rid of all the scars of communism. These days that’s about 90 years. So for those that are young enough and can live to tell, it will be interesting to follow the process in Libya, as in Egypt and Tunisia and other Arab countries, but also Russia and other ex Soviet countries. In that region we’re almost done with the first generation, two more to go.

I lived in the Republic of Georgia during a short time of the first decade after the fall of the USSR,and quite a few people missed the Soviet times. Hard to understand for one who has grown up in a democracy, but transitions from dictatorship to democracy are tough and the limbo period is long. About three generations. So understandably those going through the transition with no or little hope to experience the new beginning will ask if it is worth it. It is, for future generations. Always remember that.

It’s amazing what a tiny spark can do
It can start a fire that warms you (or your soul)
Or it can also ignite something mighty to reach for the stars
There are even sparks you can’t see that allow to to be who you are today
You can also be that spark
For your children
For your business
For the world
For yourself
Because all it takes is a little spark -
Whose spark will YOU be?

The Spark Movie

What did they do in the desert, “rambling” around for all these years? Good question. Not that I think anyone felt the trip was for pleasure, rather, as always it was for a meaning. Funny that, there are no coincidences. Just look at nature, it is all planned and systematic. As I wrote in the post Exodus some time back, they needed to clear their minds. They were slaves destined to become leaders in their own land. That requires a shift. That takes time. Not necessarily 40 years, but it takes time.

So it is with us as well. So often we carry on the slave mentality instead of giving time to let go and move on. We have a hard time to forgive: divorces, pink slips, family affairs, unfair treatment by the authorities, lack of care at hospitals, gossip by people we thought were friends, and so we can go on making the list infinite.

So often we go on hating or bearing grudge against someone or someone’s wrongdoing or something we think is unfair. But we have to let go, we have to let go of that feeling. If not it’s detrimental. Think you carry a back pack that you fill up with all sorts of experiences and feelings. You just keep filling it up. Either it will be too heavy to carry at a point or it will be too voluminous and at one time burst all together.

So we have to let go, to unload some some of our baggage.

Oftentimes the exercise for unloading baggage is called forgiving. Other times it can be some time of solitude just to think matters over, empty your mind in a way, thinking is it worth it to carry on with this grudging or hating? There is only one paying the prize: You.

As with the Israelis in the desert, if they’d gone direct from Egypt to the promised land they would never have made it. They were slaves. They had to unload the slave mentality, they had to forgive the Pharaohs for bad treatment over the years.

So with us, we have to unload the grudge, the hate or whatever is plaguing us. It is the key to personal growth, moving on a fulfilling life.

No, he’s not my uncle, but our good friend and former neighbor from Wilmington NC; Michelle Wyatt Mrozkowski’s. She first published this piece on Facebook and I asked her permission to share this story with you. It’s a beautiful everyday story with a lot of learning for all of us. Michelle writes extremely well, so watch out for her in the future. Read more about her below.

The time period was late middle school/early high school for me. I wasn’t old enough to drive or to work a summer job so most of my summers were spent lying on my back under the whir of my super-fake-paneled ceiling fan in my room with all of the windows open, listening to .38 Special or Journey from the jukebox at the Weaverville pool.

I would sleep late, tape Casey Kasem’s top 40 from my radio to a cassette tape, eat that horrific diet food my mother always kept me on, and invariably wound up getting myself into all sorts of trouble with any one of my awesome summertime friends (you know who you are).

Uncle Hershel lived up the street from me with Aunt Doris. They lived at 15 Lakeshore Drive and we lived at 51 Lakeshore Drive. I loved going to Hershel’s house because Doris was always busy and Hershel was always relaxing with coffee (black). One particular summer Hershel started picking me up in the morning and taking me with him on his errands.

I’m going to tell you about two regular errands he took me on. First, I’m going to tell you about Mrs. Learn. Mrs. Learn lived in a small camper in the area that is now the shopping center where Bellagios is in Woodfin. Mrs. Learn lived in this camper with two Afghan hounds. She lived in utter filth and was a constant danger to herself. She would turn on her little oven and forget to turn it off nearly burning the place up. She would forget to feed her dogs. She always forgot to bathe. Hershel would take me over to Mrs. Learn’s where I would sit and listen to Mrs. Learn tell me about her adventures in breeding and raising Afghan hounds. I’m not even sure if the tales she would spin were true or not. And I’m pretty sure the spiciness on her breath was that of whiskey. But while Hershel would work on fixing things on her little camper and while he would clean her yard area up for her or while he would unload groceries he had bought for her, I would pet her dogs (with magnificent dreads) and laugh at her stories and silently be a bit horrified in a pre-pubescent diva sort of way. But I loved our mornings with Mrs. Learn. I loved that Hershel took me to see her. I marveled at how a human being could get themselves into a state like “Learn” (the name Hershel called her).

We would leave Mrs. Learn’s and head up the road about a few miles to Marvin’s house. Marvin lived alone in Woodland Hills in a house that had once been occupied by his parents who had passed. Marvin’s parents had been close friends with Hershel. Marvin had an Ivy League college degree and had taught, according to Hershel, at Harvard. For a short time Marvin had taught at one of the area high schools, but his “problem” had caused him to be unemployable.

I now believe in looking back that Marvin was an alcoholic who had lost his driver license. Hershel and I would go to Marvin’s house in this lovely neighborhood just outside Weaverville and we would take him groceries (healthy items). We would clean up the house as much as possible and Hershel would mow the yard for Marvin. I thought it was weird because Hershel was much older than Marvin, but Marvin didn’t seem to mind our company and Hershel’s care. He didn’t have much to say, so hours spent there didn’t go by as quickly as they did at Mrs. Learn’s. But I’ll never forget the awe I felt at Marvin’s high dollar education and his lovely paid-for home in Woodland Hills and the circumstances of his life. I was too young to understand the power of addiction, the fragility of the mind, the broken spirit that takes over souls when too much has been too much. But I did learn something about love without judgments, about acceptance, about being a good neighbor and a fisher of men.

And in those last summers of childhood when I walked with Hershel, carrying cleaning supplies and groceries, wasting away hours I could have spent organizing my sock drawer, in those summers I learned things that call out to me now, with urgency, “Do not give up. These times will pass. Be strong. Don’t let this life get you, friend.”

Being an adult is hard. The world can be brutal. Life on this planet can wreck our resolve and make the strong falter. I know that I have danced on the edge, peered into the abyss from which people do not return, managed to slip through Fate’s cracks and lived to see another glorious day. And that, I know, is God’s grace.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see Mrs. Learn’s forgetful eyes, or I reach for a little something to take the edge off and I see Marvin’s shaking hands. I think at those times I am the most grateful for the lessons Uncle Hershel taught me, for his foresight in showing me what the world can turn a person into if one isn’t careful and vigilant.

Hershel, God rest your soul, I owe you one. I haven’t forgotten. I learn still.

Michelle Wyatt Mrozkowski grew up the mountains of southern Appalachia, near Asheville, North Carolina. She attended the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, graduating with an English degree. Michelle has worked for 15 years in election administration: specializing in public policy, elections accessibility and elections technology. She is the co-owner of Wishbone MediaWorks, a web development firm in Wilmington, North Carolina that builds complex database-driven sites with social networking components. Michelle enjoys creating content and watching it spread. Michelle also works for Inclusion Solutions, a company that provides products & services to election administrators. Michelle is married to her company’s technical director, Andy and they have two children, Wyatt and Georgia.

What did they do in the desert, “rambling” around for all these years? Good question. Not that I think anyone felt the trip was for pleasure, rather, as always it was for a meaning. Funny that, there are no coincidences. Just look at nature, it is all planned and systematic. As I wrote in the post Exodus some time back, they needed to clear their minds. They were slaves destined to become leaders in their own land. That requires a shift. That takes time. Not necessarily 40 years, but it takes time.

So it is with us as well. So often we carry on the slave mentality instead of giving time to let go and move on. We have a hard time to forgive: divorces, pink slips, family affairs, unfair treatment by the authorities, lack of care at hospitals, gossip by people we thought were friends, and so we can go on making the list infinite.

So often we go on hating or bearing grudge against someone or someone’s wrongdoing or something we think is unfair. But we have to let go, we have to let go of that feeling. If not it’s detrimental. Think you carry a back pack that you fill up with all sorts of experiences and feelings. You just keep filling it up. Either it will be too heavy to carry at a point or it will be too voluminous and at one time burst all together.

So we have to let go, to unload some some of our baggage.

Oftentimes the exercise for unloading baggage is called forgiving. Other times it can be some time of solitude just to think matters over, empty your mind in a way, thinking is it worth it to carry on with this grudging or hating? There is only one paying the prize: You.

As with the Israelis in the desert, if they’d gone direct from Egypt to the promised land they would never have made it. They were slaves. They had to unload the slave mentality, they had to forgive the Pharaohs for bad treatment over the years.

So with us, we have to unload the grudge, the hate or whatever is plaguing us. It is the key to personal growth, moving on a fulfilling life.
If you want to learn more about transitions you can read a couple of books. Transitions by William Bridges or my own Unlock Your Future.

He’s moving forward with mouse steps. He has no self confidence. According to himself he doesn’t know anything and he does not mount to anything. And he has an aggression syndrome if that’s called a syndrome. He needs professional therapeutic help, but claims nobody can help, which in reality is a refusal to let go and admit someone in to help him. He’s in a huge transition. Scared, frustrated.

So why does he admit me into his life? I see him. I believe in him.I am just an ordinary guy. Could be I am the first person in his life to do that. I tell him not to care about not seeing his own potential as long as I can see it (for him). And it seems like he is very slowly moving towards believing in me. I used to call him without much response. He now calls me, or texts me. That is a shift.

He has got himself a job. An internship. With the kindest employer he could dream of. This employer and I are probably the only two who stretches out a hand, and who he can trust do not bite off his hand when he stretches it out for help. We are not judges, we are peers. And as such respect him.

I have often been on the brink of giving up. One step forward and I think we’re going to manage to pass a threshold. Then out of nowhere 5 steps back. Start all over again. We move forward. Then a major setback. And again, and again. I am engaging all the patience I have. To give him space, to give him time. Support, but also resistance.

The major win is him calling me when he needs help.

I have often said if I could only help one with my coaching/consulting; with my book; with my articles – it would be all worth it. Seems like I am about to get there. It is a huge satisfaction. It is a huge learning. But it won’t stop there. I want to help many, many more.