Peter Aursnes' Transition Blog

He’s moving forward with mouse steps. He has no self confidence. According to himself he doesn’t know anything and he does not mount to anything. And he has an aggression syndrome if that’s called a syndrome. He needs professional therapeutic help, but claims nobody can help, which in reality is a refusal to let go and admit someone in to help him. He’s in a huge transition. Scared, frustrated

So why does he admit me into his life? I see him. I believe in him.I am just an ordinary guy. Could be I am the first person in his life to do that. I tell him not to care about not seeing his own potential as long as I can see it (for him). And it seems like he is very slowly moving towards believing in me. I used to call him without much response. He now calls me, or texts me. That is a shift.

He has got himself a job. An internship. With the kindest employer he could dream of. This employer and I are probably the only two who stretches out a hand, and who he can trust do not bite off his hand when he stretches it out for help. We are not judges, we are peers. And as such respect him.

I have often been on the brink of giving up. One step forward and I think we’re going to manage to pass a threshold. Then out of nowhere 5 steps back. Start all over again. We move forward. Then a major setback. And again, and again. I am engaging all the patience I have. To give him space, to give him time. Support, but also resistance.

The major win is him calling me when he needs help.

I have often said if I could only help one with my coaching/consulting; with my book; with my articles – it would be all worth it. Seems like I am about to get there. It is a huge satisfaction. It is a huge learning. But it won’t stop there. I want to help many, many more.

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The challenge for most of us is to let go. To leave behind. Society has taught us to collect, to gather new things, new information new knowledge – accumulate. So we build up huge “piles” of anything that comes our way or we seek out and carry with us. Some of it is useful experience that will come in handy in our everyday life or at special situations. That is a good thing.

However, much of it turn into what we call baggage, mental baggage. That is a negative term. This is where the challenge lies. We have to let go of our baggage.

There is nothing in our society that encourages us to e.g. unlearn. We don’t now how to do that, we don’t understand why it is important to know the art of unlearning. We don’t necessarily need all the knowledge we have so we should unlearn some of it so it does not inflict on whatever we are currently doing. But then we have this issue that it might just be that we will need it some day, what then? It is the same with things in our home. We collect them but never throw away or give away to a charity, our neighbors, relatives or something the like. No, we keep it. never use it, but keep it. You never know when it will come in handy. Well, most of the time it won’t.

Same thing with our minds. We bring along to much baggage that we think is useful and will be useful some rainy day in a distant future. The thing is when we arrive there we have some other fresher knowledge that we will use anyway. So we might as well let go of it right away.

The ability to let go and start to reorient to a new situation for a new beginning would create better happier lives for all of us. Unfortunately we don’t. We bring it along for no other reason than conventional wisdom.

This applies to our private life, our organizational life and also career to the extent that is not part of our private life. This lack of courage or willingness to go through transitionsruins us for a happier, better richer freer life.

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Gentle, gentle, gentle. Easy, easy. He’s nice and gently coming around. Communication. Silence, and more silence. Then suddenly some communication again. A call or a text.

Deep down behind a hard shell to crack. There is talent in there. Beneath the anger, frustration, lack of self confidence, blame game, paranoia, (have I forgotten anything?) What does it require? There is probably no fixed recipe for that but in this case patience and praise. Some sort of dialog, sometimes monolog; about me seeing the talent she does not notice herself.

Sometimes it can be a relief to trust, believe and be a tiny little bit flattered about someone else seeing something in you that you are not able or willing, rather, to detect yourself. If you can manage to do that (trust someone else’s belief in your talents), and start to let go of your past and present feelings, you have started the first little step towards improvement, growth or development.

It is so satisfying as a coach and peer to see these small steps toward an improved quality of life. A lot of people want it, but most of the same people do not dare to embark on that transitional journey.

Keep your fingers crossed she’ll make it all the way round. She deserves it.

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Cudos to Marit Bjørgen for winning an Olympic Gold medal yesterday. The thing is she has gone through a huge transition. She was the top performer in women’s cross country skiing, but feel down from the throne and been “one of the also ran” for a few years. But she has fought her way back to the top.
The funny thing is to do so she had to start a new life. She literally redid herself. Removed her piercing she was so famous for, got herself a psychologist. Had to start from scratch again. So the removal of the eyebrow piercing had a great symbolic value. She did let go, but not without a fight, according to the Norwegian daily Aftenposten. Non the less important. if you want to start something new, something has to end. To start a new life she had to let go of the strongest symbol in her life, the piercing.

For most of us this is a huge challenge. To let go of something. We’re so afraid of symbolic deaths. Any process starts with an ending and ends with a beginning. It has to be that way. Let’s say you want to cross the street. You’re on the sidewalk and want to cross to the sidewalk on the other side. Not possible to do unless you leave the sidewalk where you currently are. That’s the ending. You cross the street with all the dangers implied. That’s the limbo zone. And finally you are (hopefully) well over and reaches the sidewalk on the other side of the street; the new start.

This is how life is as well. If we want to move forward, if we want to grow we have to leave some of the life or lifestyle that represents the present behind.

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Today I am proud to post an article by Lisa Haisha, founder of The Whispers From Children’s Hearts Foundation, based in Hollywood CA. Why are you boring? We tend to look outside for explanations about anything, instead of looking inside. This post reminds us we should look inside as well, at least every now and then (European sarcasm), some self-examination will do us good. Enjoy the article.

Please take a minute to learn more about Lisa Haisha at the end if the article.

“Have you ever known someone who seems to live a life that never changes? Someone who is stuck in a rut? Someone who never has anything new or exciting happening to them? Someone who seems to epitomize the phrase “same stuff, different day”? 
Chances are you don’t like being around the person because he or she is negative, a downer, and most of all, boring. 
But have you ever considered that perhaps that boring person is you?
Whether you believe you are boring or not, now is the time to look at your life and make some changes for the better. It’s time to get excited about life again – and excited about the possibilities that await you.

You Are Boring When…
You are boring when you don’t do anything…when you don’t allow yourself to feel…when you don’t participate in life and get your hands dirty…when you don’t follow through on your passion. 
Sound familiar?
People who are boring have lost respect for themselves. Why? Because they don’t do what they say they will do. For example, maybe you’ve said to yourself, “This year I’m finally going to lose those 20 extra pounds.” In fact, you may have said this same statement every year for the past five years. Yet, just as last year, rather than lose 20 pounds, you gain 10. As a result, you stop believing in yourself because you don’t think you can achieve anything.
When you lose self-respect, you don’t try anymore. You may even say, “I always fail, so why even bother.” Realize that it’s not that you can’t achieve things; it’s just that you’re doing things incorrectly. It’s about putting the right support structure in place and developing the right mindset. 
Using the example of losing weight, you need to come to the place where it’s more painful not to achieve the goal. So write down why you want to make the change. Are you overweight and your health is in danger because of it? Could you possibly even die because of those excess pounds? Really hone in on the consequences of you not doing what you say to get the motivation to make progress.

Start Small
. You’re boring because you keep talking and stop doing. And as we all know, talk is cheap. The problem is that most people believe you need to take huge and monumental steps to make a change. That’s not true. Starting small is just as effective.
 So do something small just to prove to yourself that you can follow through. Instead of saying, “I’m going to work out for one hour every day,” say, “I’m going to work out today for 15 minutes.” If you do more, then great. If you don’t work out tomorrow, that’s okay. You only promised to do it today. The point is that you achieved your goal.
 Similarly, if your house is a disaster zone and completely disorganized, don’t say, “I’m going to clean the whole house and get organized today.” Rather, start small with, “Today I’m going to make the bed.” Once you do that one small thing, then do another…and then another…and then another. Break your goal into bite size pieces so you actually do it.

Stop the Excuses
”I don’t have time.” “I don’t have money.” “I don’t have whatever I need to go out and have an exciting life.” The excuses are endless. 
If you think you don’t have time to do anything, then you need to re-assess how you’re currently spending your time. We all have time. We all have moments in our day that are wasted. In fact, did you know that if you reduced your television time by five hours a week, you would gain almost 11 days a year? So turn off the television for 15 minutes and start doing something. 
If you think you don’t have money to do anything, then you need to rethink your resources. Not everything has to cost money. For example, suppose you want to learn how to dance. You can go to the library and get a dance instruction DVD. Or, you can barter with a dance instructor. He or she teaches you how to dance, and you do something in return. If you’re an accountant, do their taxes. If you’re a hairdresser, do their hair. If you’re unemployed, mow their yard. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Find your way.

Reconnect with Yourself
. If it’s been a long time since you’ve done anything exciting with your life, you may have forgotten what you’re passionate about. That’s okay. The key is to slow down and reconnect with yourself. 
You’re boring when you’ve given up on yourself. So reconnect and build trust with yourself again. Set a date with yourself to plan your life. Pretend you’re meeting with someone special or someone you admire – maybe a famous actor, a world leader, or a great humanitarian. Would you be late to that meeting? Of course not! You’d make it no matter what. That’s how important this meeting with yourself is. 
During this meeting, think about what used to make you happy. If you can’t pinpoint anything specific, then it’s time to try something – anything. Take a dance class, join a book club, take a cooking class, or join a gym. You can try so many different things. Simply pick one and start. If you dislike the activity, then don’t do it again. But do pick something else to try instead. 
Take it one day at a time. Remember, you don’t have to win the marathon. The point is to stay in the game. Do something that makes you happy today.

Move On!
No matter what’s going on in your life right now, there’s no excuse for being boring. It’s time to stop looking at all the negatives – all the reasons not to do something – and make a positive change. Remember, there are always options; you simply have to see them. So get over it, move on, and make a change. Your new exciting life is waiting for you.”

Lisa Haisha is a Hollywood therapist and noted humanitarian. She is the founder of The Whispers from Children’s Hearts Foundation [www.whispersfromchildrenshearts.org], a non-profit organization that extends psychological services to children in war-torn and impoverished countries. In the field of psychology, Haisha is considered the originator of the “Soul Blazing” process, a raw, intense form of therapy [www.thesoulblazing.com]. Her clients include a “Who’s Who” of A-list actors, top producers, and Hollywood and corporate executives. She is also a world traveler.

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I have a client that has had the sad experience that his partner, they were not married, moved out after 20+ years with their three kids. He is devastated. He is a caring and loving man, no doubt about that, but not very macho if you understand, sitting home crying and begging his “wife” to come back. I think she wants a man. So that strategy is the wrong one. However, that is not the topic of this post.

I want to talk about the differences between change and transition, what comes first? In this case it is both ways.
She has obviously gone through a transition that led her to take their children and move out. She obviously had reasons for that, and if my client had chosen to notice the signals, it would not have come as that big a surprise. So for her this transition led to a change; she moved out.

At this point these two people are at a crossroad. Been traveling two different routes, one knowing it while the other haven’t. This crossroad is change. But as she has ended this relationship mentally at an earlier stage, most probably gone through a controlled limbo phase, he is struck by the change as lightning from a clear blue sky. The ending comes suddenly, whether he wants it or not, and is thrown into a very rough limbo phase where is now. They have not been traveling together lately.

So a transition can precede a change, and a change can precede a transition. If the transition comes first, this has to lead to a change. But generally if the change comes first, it does not have to lead to a transition. But in our example, it will.

Divorces are very typical examples where change and transition/transition and change go hand in hand. They are forced on you.

Will she come back or is this definite. She obviously needed a break. So the question is can he straighten up and get his life together? That is his only chance, and I work on it. But he is very deep down.

Irrespective of her coming back or not, he has to let go. There will under anyway have to be a new beginning. To continue what has been is not an option. Part of the challenge is that he has been living his life through her, (heard it before?) so no wonder he fell down when the main pillar in his life was removed. But it makes the letting go all the more difficult. What we all can learn from this is that however much you love your spouse, you have to live your own life. Two parallel lives – with a lot of interaction, of course.

If you sail you will encounter rough seas every now and then. If you fly there will be occasional turbulence. A relationship is no exception. You need inner strength to handle it, then you most probably will be able to successfully navigate through it. If not, you’re doomed.

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Usually when you coach someone, you do it because she or he comes to you and want help to move on. They are motivated, want to grow or move through a transition.

Not so with my current clients. They’re not there because they want to, they’re there because the authorities have sent them or they will lose their benefits.

So, after establishing some form of rapport, how do you move them forward? Into something that requires a self confidence they lack, and lack by a huge margin? A movement that requires trust, a trust they have completely lost. Trust in society, trust in the authorities, trust in any authoritative person including me as a coach. How to move them away from playing the blame game, being stuck in circumstances. (Reading loud “There is a hole in my sidewalk” made no impact, but the “poem” as such is very descriptive of the situation they’re in). Well you first job is to build the trust, and most of all through respect and empathy. Help them out of the hole. Understanding that all this is a protective shell they have built, if for nothing else to survive. And inside there are abilities, there is a will however weak right now, emotions both hard and soft. It is all in there. Be prepared for a flood when the shell cracks.

Understanding their situation can be challenging when their choices are so far from your own choices. How do you make them understand they are responsible for their own choices? Their own lives. You have to take these discussions, but you have to conduct it with care. Move forward with minute steps.
Patience is a virtue, and important. But you also have to balance that with pushing forward. Slowly changing their attitudes. Get them into action. No actions, no reactions, or results if you like.

So after 10 (out of 22) weeks we start seeing results. We get them into jobs. And what is most rewarding: see these people when they occasionally come back to see us (we’re technically responsible for them even though they have a job or works as apprentices to get some work experience). Their attitude, their lit up faces and straightened up backs. That is the most wonderful of it all.

What a marvelous experience for me as a coach to bring with me. This experience will help me succeed with anything within the coaching profession. This is a litmus test.

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This article by Karen Luniw comes in handy, don’t you think?. I found it in The Huffington Post and have been granted the kind permission to reprint it. Much appreciated. Read more about Karen at the end of the post.

So we’re a few weeks into the bright shiny New Year. Yes! This is going to be the year that it _______ (fill in the blank: ‘gets better’, ‘improves’, ‘explodes’), right?

It could be.

What’s going to make the difference this year for you?

If you referred to the economy or the government or some other outside source making your year better, you’re missing the boat.

Those are not the main factors in your success. You are. And, if you give more weight to the other factors than to your own impact, you’ll always be at someone else’s mercy.

Now I’m not going to get into the same old, same old about setting goals but at the very least you should have set out what you’d like to achieve this year. These goals should do to two things to your psyche:
1. Excite you.

2. Scare you.

If they do neither, you might as well rip up the paper you wrote them on. In fact, let me ask this: are they the same goals you had last year and the year before that AND the year before that? Don’t worry, you are in good company, this is extremely common and the main reason that most people stop trying to make their goals happen. I mean, you wrote your goals down, you thought favourably about them, heck! You even acted on them but they still didn’t happen.

Take heart, you’re probably more ready for a quantum shift in your life or business than you thought you were. There are some very specific reasons that we don’t achieve what we want on a regular basis and the good news is that there are some solid steps to take towards shifting this personal phenomenon.

A place to start is to look at the areas where we haven’t achieved what we wanted and ask ourselves what we have been avoiding in that area. Your first reaction may be ‘nothing,’ but dig deeper.

Our blocks to achieve what we want often lie in our subconscious mind and they’re pretty elusive, like trying to grab a hold of a cloud. But, they’re there and always present. They exist and they are blocking you now.
If you haven’t had the success you keep striving for, keep uncovering those subconscious beliefs. For inspiration, check out my Top 10 Law of Attraction Tips for 2010 movie. There are huge clues in the movie to help you move further towards your goals.

Everyone hits a ceiling in their goal achievement whether you’re a millionaire or not, whether you have most of what you want or not. Rarely does anyone keep moving forward unimpeded without help and serious attention to their limiting beliefs.

If you realize you’ve been continually striving towards the same goals but never reaching them — it’s not because you’re not worthy, not smart enough or whatever you tend to label yourself with — it’s just because you misunderstood something a long time ago and made a belief out of it.

The great news is this can all change, it is possible. Set a quantum leap course. Pay attention to what feels uncomfortable and hit it head on.

Karen Luniw is the author of Attraction in Action: Your How to Guide to Relationships, Money, Work and Health and is a coach that helps people break through their blocks in their personal and business life. Karen Luniw is a Personal and Business Attraction Expert, CEO of The Business Attraction Center and The Law of Attraction Center and is officially in the WoooHooo business.

Karen walks her individual and corporate clients through a personalized process so they can attract more of what they want in life and business. Her Law of Attraction Tips podcast has been downloaded in over 100 countries over 9 million times and she’s been featured on the front page of the Vancouver Sun, the Financial Post and many other prominent national newspapers. She is based in British Columbia, Canada.

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I thought I was past the limbo zone when I returned to Norway and started working with young unemployed people.

This morning it literally dawned on me that might not quite be the case. Hence the “Time for a Shift” on my Facebook profile the other day. I think the fact that my wife had a serious hick-up with her job woke me up and kicked me out of the limbo and into a new beginning. Time for action. It is very typical that the neutral zone has inaction and frustration, confusion and chaos. I would not say that my life has been anywhere near a chaos since we returned, but I think the other elements have had their fair share of my life. Not by any means to exaggerate but in hindsight I clearly see their presence.

This shows you never really know how long the neutral zone will last, which I think is a good thing. Some times it is obvious, other times the borders are not all that clear cut. This seems to be the case in my resent transition.

So I am ready to move forward. And it gives me peace and confidence. And energy. I have actually been a bit concerned lately that I felt so empty. It has changed. So an emptiness and lack of energy to the extent I wondered if I had entered a light depression disappeared like dew when hit by the warmth of the sun.

From a coaching perspective what is relatively easy to spot with others, is all the more difficult to detect when it concerns self. It is a good exercise in self learning.
A new beginning!!

Welcome to my world!
(Won’t you come on in..
Miracles I guess, still happen now and then.
Step into my heart
leave your cares behind…. )

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Today I want to share with you an inspirational short story written by Dr. Christian Guenette from Vancouver, Canada.
He has given me the kind permission to publish it here on my blog. For more about him and his web sites; see below.

“There once was an old man who lived in my town.
I would often see him trundling about, limping awkwardly,
Helped along by a gnarled, ancient-looking staff of wood.
Every time I passed him by, he would smile, and give me a nod.
Regardless of the weather,
He always made a point of greeting me
As if the sun was shining down brightly on us both.

One day, while meandering through our central park,
I ran into the old man again.
This time, instead of making my way past him,
I chose to stop and ask him a question:
“Excuse me, sir –
Why is it that you always seem so cheerful?
I mean, you don’t even know me,
Yet you often take the time to stop what you are doing to say hi to me.”

He smiled.

“Young man” he replied, “it is because I spend my life climbing mountains.”
I gave him a puzzled look. “Climbing?”
It was obvious that this man had trouble negotiating a flight of stairs,
Let alone a mountain.
“Yes,” he added. “And it brings me so much joy,
I cannot help but share it with others.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted. “How do you climb?”
I was perplexed.

“We can all climb, my boy,” he said with a wink and a grin.
“Some of us just aren’t aware of our abilities.
When we are taught to ascend above
What we’ve been conditioned to believe is possible,
We experience in our everyday lives
Something very extraordinary,
And it puts everything into a different perspective.”

“I still don’t get it”, I admitted,
“But if you can climb, maybe there’s hope for me, too.
Will you teach me how you do it?”
“Ahhh, now that’s the spirit” he said, slapping his knee.
“By golly, looks like you’ve just taken the first step.”

And so he began to teach me to climb.

We gathered ourselves near the trunk of a fallen tree.
He propped up his weathered cane, leaning it against the stump,
And then he rolled up his sleeves as if to suggest the task ahead
Was going to be an arduous one.

“First of all,” he explained,
“You must always remember that no mountain is insurmountable.
Realize that no matter how tall, wide, steep or rocky it is,
Each attempt to climb a mountain begins with the same first step.
And that step is taken when one makes it his desire to climb it.”

As he spoke, I observed the man’s expressions,
And I could sense the man had a great deal of passion in his message.

“Most people avoid climbing the mountains that they find in front of them,
Because they tend to focus on the obstacles instead of the opportunities.
Obstacles only become limiting when one thinks that a mountain
Is too difficult to climb,
Or when one’s fear prevents him from seeing anything else.”

“If negative thoughts or fears cause you to doubt
Your original intention to climb,
This may prevent you from reaching your goals,
Before having even begun.”

“But I am not afraid,” I announced boldly.

“I’m glad,” he said with a wry grin. “Let’s continue.”

“Once you have taken the first step,
Such that the desire is felt, and the will to climb is well established,
The next step involves much planning.
For nobody wants to get half-way up a mountain,
Only to discover that they have forgotten something
Essential for them to reach the peak.
So, be diligent in your preparations.”

There was a long pause as the man rubbed his chin.
Then, speaking in a lowered voice, he said,
“Rest assured, however, that planning alone will not suffice.
For all the greatest planning and preparations
Do not climb the mountain for you.
The goal that you strive for will never be realized unless
The plan is actualized.”
He gave me another wink, and smiled.

“For to obtain anything that is worth your effort,
You must first apply the effort — through your actions.
There is no other way.”

He reached for his cane, and with its narrowed tip
He proceeded to draw a large inverted ‘V’
On the ground in front of us.
Motioning with the end of his cane, he pointed to the ‘uphill’ side of the image.
Illustrating his last point, he asked me the following rhetorical question:
“Does it take more energy to climb from the bottom of a mountain to its summit,
Or would it require more energy to fall down the other side?”
Without pausing for the answer, he continued with his analogy.

“All of life is a challenge.
If you expect it to be easy, you will oft be disappointed.
However, if instead you look forward to the task ahead,
Plan well, and commit to the journey,
All of life can be full of joy – very much worth your efforts.”

In emphasizing his last sentence, he spread his arms wide,
As if to embrace the totality of the park around us.
We sat silently for a few moments,
Reflecting upon the profound nature of these words,
Feeling the warm caresses of the sunlight on our skin,
Listening to the songbirds in the trees above our heads, reminding us of
Mother Nature’s beautiful bounty.

Then, after taking a deep breath, he broke the silence:
“Once you begin your ardent climb,
You are advised to stay focused on your next step ahead.
If each of your steps are well-placed, one after the other,
Your progress toward the goal will be assured.

However, if you haphazardly meander forward, with no apparent purpose,
There is a greater chance that you will slip,
And your progress will naturally be interrupted.”

With another nod from me, he grinned and continued on.

“With proper focus, you pay attention to each opportunity
As it appears to you on your ascent.
You must learn to appreciate the present moment,
As it is only in each of your present moments that all of life is realized.
Once planning has been done, and decisions made,
It is no longer time to think of the past, or to worry about the future.
All the knowledge accumulated to date will remain simply that – knowledge –
Until applied as your next chosen action step.”

Pausing again to gather his thoughts, the old man continued:

“That being said, forward progress is not always essential.
If the resources are low, or your energy drained,
A deserved rest will keep you closer to your goal
Than a careless step taken when the call for rest is not heeded.”

He looked into my eyes and proceeded to tell me an ageless secret
That would assist me in following this last principle:
“It is important to listen to the body.
For it is only the body that truly knows
What you need at all times.”

“My body?
But what if I don’t speak the same language as my body?”
I giggled with youthful ignorance.

Without skipping a beat, the old man expanded on his mind-body lesson:
“If the needs of the body are heard but not respected,
A painful lesson will be forthcoming.
Your progress is sure to be delayed
While you recover from your mistake.
Then, while you are injured, all the body will grant you
Is the time necessary to take in the lesson that you mindlessly ignored.”

As he paused to take a breath,
I took the opportunity to interject;
“Excuse me, sir, but how is anyone supposed to really know
When the time is right to move forward, and
When the time is more appropriate to rest?”

He chuckled lightly as if he was amused with the naivety of my question.
“Oh child,” he began,
“It is obvious that you have much to learn.”
Noticing my shameful reaction, he added,
“I am not mocking you with my laughter,
But I remember asking a very similar question when I was your age.”

I found this very hard to believe.

Given the wisdom in his words,
I could not imagine him faltering
Even a single step on any planned excursion.

“The answer to your question, my friend, is quite simple.”
“Trust.”

The old man left this one word hanging
Like a climber holding on with only one hand from a rocky ledge,
Suspended in animation while a crowd of onlookers
Pondered his fate.

“Trust?” I asked, bewildered. “Trust what?”

He calmly waited a moment longer before continuing,
As if he himself was the dangling man, surveying the surrounding cliff,
Looking for the best opportunity for a foothold.
Then, focusing intently on his words, he said,
“Trust what you feel in your body.
These are your instincts.
And when you come to trust these feelings,
The path ahead, whether straight or full of switch-backs,
Is the path that will always lead you toward your destination.”

Before he began the next sentence, he took his finger and poked it into my abdomen.
“Haven’t you ever had a gut feeling about something?
To feel the truth here means infinitely more than to think it here.”
Upon this second gesture, his index finger became firmly planted on my temple.

“Ouch, that hurt.” I groaned.
“Precisely,” he said. “That’s the point.”

“When you come to a fork in your path,
Faced with a dilemma that you know is significant,
This is when your instincts are most important.
You may feel uneasy about the possible consequences of your choices,
Causing you to doubt yourself, considering suggestions that
Are in direct opposition to your gut feelings.”

“Ahh yes, there is a temptation to listen to others,
In order to avoid the scrutiny of personal beliefs.”
But if you deny what feels right for you,
It will lead you to regret your life decisions,
And your present day experience
Will be filled with remorse for yesterday’s blunders.”

As he looked up at me, our eyes met.
There was a saddened expression on the face of a man
Who had experienced this lesson more than once before.
He quickly took his eyes away from mine and looked down at the ground,
As if to shield me from the painful regrets of his past.

Then, as if to be stirred from a dream,
His head popped back up, and the familiar grin began to make its way
Into the corners of his mouth,
And I could tell that he was back
Into his positive train of thought.

“So, when contemplating your next move,
Do not say ‘I think I should do this or that’.
Check to see if you can say ‘I feel this is right for me’.
When you feel something like this, in your heart or in your gut,
These feelings cannot be denied.
For this is your truth – what is meant for you in this life.”

I was humbled by his obvious conviction, my gaze affixed to his.
There was another pregnant pause before he continued.

“Although there are an infinite number of different paths
To the top of every mountain,
The beauty in your climb is that you get to choose
The path that’s right for you.”

“Keep your eye on the goal, your dream –
But do not forget that the experience of the climb,
And the lessons that you get to learn along the way
Are worth much more than you might expect.”

“If your definition of success in this life
Is only to reach the very peak of a mountain,
You are very likely to experience many
Disappointments and feel like a failure.”

“For it is typically only the smallest fraction
Who ever get to realize the pinnacle of human achievement
In any one select area of expertise.
But does only one hundred percent realization of goals define success?
What about those who achieve up to 95% of what they originally set out to do?
Should their life be defined by the 5% of which was not accomplished?”

“Each step taken
In the direction of your desires
Can be seen as a success,
When success in life is measured by units of happiness.
For every person has the same opportunity for success,
When they know they are following their hearts’ desires.

“Remember this:
The very last step you use to reach the peak
Is no more important than the first one leaving the valley.”

As he paused,
I reflected upon my own life’s journey.
And I saw a man
Who had spent far too many days
In an unappreciative blur
Of striving for the things I did not have,
Cursing life for what it had not provided me,
Instead of focusing on the potential joy
Awaiting me in every present moment.

For the past five years,
I have been playing the victim of life.

Following that near-fatal car accident
Five years ago,
It was me who pushed my friends and family away,
Too proud to accept their loving offers for help.
It was me who chose to spend my days being unproductive,
Instead of making the best of every opportunity.

Waves of sadness surged through my body,
And tears welled up in my eyes
As I longed to recover the time I had lost to my ignorance.

As if on cue, the wise old man placed a withered hand on my shoulder
And spoke softly in my ear, “It’s never too late to begin the next climb.”

As he spoke these words,
I remembered his lesson about not hanging on to regrets,
And I realized that if I had not been confined to my wheelchair,
Spending countless hours meandering through the streets of our town,
I probably would not have had the opportunity to meet this wise old man.
And as a result, I would not have experienced
Life’s most blessed gift –
This present moment.

The days, weeks and months that followed
Were like a whirlwind of activity.
I reconnected with my friends, my family,
And all those whom I neglected during my days of self-pity.
I took a career-counseling course, and found out that I had skills
In the most unexpected of areas – teaching.

I got a job as a camp-counselor in a program that was designed to
Teach handicapped kids how to overcome the obstacles of everyday life,
And I’ve come to realize that what I’m really doing
Is teaching each and every one of them to climb.

I still see that old man from time to time,
But we don’t get the chance to sit together and chat very often.
He just winks and nods at me as we pass each other by.

Sometimes I notice him watching me
As I coach the kids in the park,
And the smiles on the children’s faces
Mirroring my own,
Is all the old man ever needs,
To know he’s conquered yet another mountain.”

Dr. Christian Guenette is a holistic chiropractor living in Vancouver, BC, Canada. He is also an author, lecturer, life-coach, and a devoted husband and father. He has a passion for helping people, and works tirelessly with his clients to find a solution for what he calls ‘unnecessary suffering’. Dr. Guenette’s mission: to enlighten, inspire and empower people to discover inner peace. Read more about Dr. Guenette by visiting his websites: www.back2health.ca and www.thecommonsensecoach.com.

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